Being around anger is uncomfortable, or even threatening. This is why sometimes the person talking the loudest gets compliance, for no good reason. People learn that if they disagree, they are going to pay a cost, or at minimum have to engage in an uncomfortable conflict in they speak up.
Even the most well-intentioned people fall into the trap of becoming bullies when they're angry. Try using mindfulness to hold yourself accountable! I still remember the moment when I first used mindfulness "on purpose," to turn a situation around, when I was temped to be unfair in my response.
I was annoyed at a boyfriend for an insignificant thing, and was tempted to put voice to it, but I had the presence of mind to ask myself: "would I be okay if my boyfriend said this to me, in the same way?" I had to (grudgingly) admit to myself that I would not be okay. I was just tired and grumpy. If the situation was turned around, I'd be upset by the injustice of the tone and assumptions that I was about to unleash.
Hmm. That was enough to stomp out the flame of irritation, or at least to calm it down enough to prevent expression. To know it was unjust irritation made it my problem, not someone else's. Even in a situation this benign, if I'd carried on with my anger instead of putting it in check, I'd be exerting unfair control, through anger.
I'd be forcing someone to answer to something when they had nothing to answer for. People shouldn't have to defend themselves for no good reason. This is where an unfortunate side-effect of anger becomes control.
It's easy to go too far with anger, and to misjudge right and wrong. When we do, luckily there's a fixer which, if applied carefully, often works really well: apologize, explain, do better next time.
An even better fix: catch yourself before doing the unjust thing. Feeling intense? Turn your intensity onto yourself in your mind and see if you'd think it was okay in reverse. Though your ego may take a hit (this is not such a bad thing), you are saved from an inevitable fight, and a bruise to your conscience.
Your almost-victim is saved as well. Win-win. Good for you, you saved the day. Quietly heroic stuff!
This article, which is a 1 min. read from Anger Management Centre of Toronto, makes two important points about problems created by controlling others with anger. 1. that control is temporary due to its unfair nature 2. you can build control with others, instead of over others (ie: cooperation vs competition).